Well, I said I was going to get back into writing. When was that? A month ago?
Now let’s see. This blog is not only a place where I can connect with people, it’s also a place where I can be honest. I think I’ve made that clear before but, if memory doesn’t serve me, I am making it clear now. It would be a lie to say that my depression returned. It never even left. It did worsen, however. My family has either never believed I’ve had it if they knew or didn’t know I had it because they didn’t care to stick around and find out. This is why I haven’t been writing. Well, it’s not like many people read this anyway. I doubt my viewers even hit the double digits. This is only my second post, though, so I don’t know what I was expecting.
How do you pull yourself out of a grave that was made for you by the one thing you are always supposed to be sure of? My mind has betrayed me just because it had a couple more of some chemicals and a couple less some other chemicals. Constantly living on the brink is the worst thing for you. It’s hard to pull yourself out of that place and sometimes it cannot be done. I’ve done it before but there were times were it seemed like it was impossible and the, as the people say, “unthinkable” almost happened. Four times.
No one in this position, or, at least from my experience, most, do not want to be pitied. We want someone to understand. Some people want to be saved, and some want you to be at their side as they try to save themselves. I’m the latter. I try to live in my dreams, to forget, to remember, and to protect myself. This can offer some security and happiness, but only for awhile. Then reality grabs and drags you back.
But, life wouldn’t be the same if it didn’t, now would it?